The gift of giving gifts

Birthday presents.
I fucking love getting them, but I hate giving them.
Multiple reasons why.

1. I hate having to choose what "he or she is going to like or not".
2. It fucking costs me money...
3. It's all a bunch of circling bullshit.
4. Unwanted pressure

I hate giving out presents, but I hate giving out presents to my friends or family even more.
These days, giving presents to your friends consists of either, "Buying something stupid as a joke", or, "Giving cash".

Buying something stupid, is just stupid.
Sure, it'll cause some laughter, ha-ha, but other than that, you're just giving away dumb shit, which will probably end up rotting away somewhere.
I could have just given him or her the money and he or she would have bought something that had more use.
But that's our next problem!

Lets say I give my closest friend 50 bucks for his birthday. Sounds about right, right?
Now, 3 months later, it's my birthday and my friend gives me, 50 fucking bucks.
So what the fuck just happened here? Exactly... NOTHING.

Then there's the last and probably the most irritating reason.
For some reason, people have the need to fucking "play equal", or whatever. I don't even fucking know how to explain this.

If I buy you a fucking present for your birthday and 3 months later my birthday is coming up, you're all like "OH MY GOD WHAT DO I HAVE TO BUY HIM?! HE BOUGHT ME SOMETHING AS WELL, OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!"
No... fucking, no.

I don't want you to fucking buy me anything, cause I don't want to feel the need to give you something back, cause you did me a favour.
I never asked for your fucking present, so who are you to put this pressure on me?
Over the years though, I quickly learned "not to give a fuck about others" and "just be a fucking asshole about it".

Like I said, I love getting birthday presents, or any presents for that matter.
But don't expect me to buy you something as well, just because YOU bought ME something.
I never asked for it and I never will.

If you want to be a kind person and give me your money, please, do it whenever you see fit.
But don't expect me to do the same.